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Friday, October 14, 2011

The Secret: Change Inner Attitudes

The greatest revolution in our generation
is the discovery that human beings,
by changing the inner attitudes of their minds,
can change the outer aspects of their lives.

William James (1842-1910)

What Is The Secret

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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Remembering Harry

Harry is gone. I still see his face looking up at me, wriggling his tail and hear his loud bark. But it’s all just in my mind now because he is really gone.

Looking back, it all started last Friday night. Harry hardly touched his roast beef flavored pet food. I thought it was odd because he eats everything and anything that I gave him but it didn’t cross my mind that he was ill.

Saturday morning, I gave him something else but he won’t touch it too. I tried plain white bread and he ate a few slices but that’s all he won’t drink. Worry starts to creep inside me but I had to get ready for the parents’ meeting in Green Hills at nine and I signed up to volunteer unpacking and repacking relief goods at the World Vision center in the afternoon. So I had to go leave him alone.

During the meeting though, I was thinking about Harry and thought he needed me more so I went back home early to check on him. As soon as I got home, I called for Harry but he didn’t peek to see me. So I went to see him and found him just laying down but wiggling his tail. I tried to give him water to drink but he didn’t drink. I went to get a cup of fresh milk and he drank it so I thought maybe its the solution.

Lunch time, I gave him a few more slices of plain white bread which he gladly ate plus water to drink. After a couple of hours, I went to wash him up and disinfect his surroundings because, dear me, he stunk! Then tried to feed him more bread but he only finished two slices.

Dinner time, I gave him pan de sal (Filipino bread roll) with milk and he seemed to like it.
Sunday, he seemed getting weaker and looked worse so I thought maybe I should stop giving him milk. By night fall, he didn’t want to eat bread too. I had to force down his throat some water to keep him hydrated.

At bed time, I searched the net for possible solution that can help Harry feel better. I found this site that mentioned the same symptoms he had and the simple solution, to keep the dog alive and help him get through the illness, chicken soup!
So, there’s hope.
The whole day on Monday, I force fed Harry with chicken soup that I added with minced moringa leaves and ginger, every few hours til late night bed time.

The next morning, I woke up weary and dreading to find out if Harry got worse than yesterday. However, I got off the bed to do what I usually do on weekday mornings: cook EJ’s breakfast and pack lunch and snacks for school. In the kitchen, I kept glancing to where Harry was and muttering to myself,
Harry is gonna get better. He’s got to. And I believe. I do believe.
As soon as EJ was picked up by his school bus fifteen minutes before six, I ladled out Harry’s chicken soup, which I reheated earlier and cooled down to lukewarm temperature, into a food container. I slowly took a peek at the spot where Harry was lying down. He looked up at me as soon as I was close by which made me happy because it meant Harry was still fighting to live.

Before I fed him, I cleaned him up and disinfected his surroundings. As soon as everything smells nice, I sat down on my footstool and force fed Harry with chicken soup using turkey baster.
I gave him three times more than I gave Harry yesterday because he seemed he can take more and he was wiggling his tail a bit. After feeding and washing his utensils, I quickly washed up and got dressed. Then, I hopped on my bike to go to the local vegetable market. I went back home with the feeling “there’s hope for Harry”. I washed, peeled and cubed the vegetables I bought so they are ready for dinner with my son, EJ.

Around ten in the morning, I prepared Harry’s chicken soup and added brown bread bits. And as usual, I washed him up and disinfected his spot before I fed him his lukewarm soup. As I was feeding him, some of the bread bits got stuck through the tip of the turkey baster. I tapped it to get the bits out but it won’t so I used the cup with a spout to keep feeding him. I thought I heard him growl a bit so I said to Harry,
You must be getting better because you are growling at me.
Almost finished the soup when he stopped making noise, his chest stopped rising up and down. What’s worse to my sight was that I saw how life was taken out of him when the color of his eyes changed into translucent. But I said to him,
Stop kidding now, Harry.
I touched his chest to feel if it rises just a little but it didn’t. I put his head down then I saw that half of the soup spilled through his mouth and nose. I tried to do rhythmic chest compression a few times to maybe get his blood flowing. I don’t know what I was doing but I did it anyway to try to revive him but I didn’t get response from Harry as I kept calling him to come back.
Is he gone?
I rose from my chair, walked back and forth. Muttered to myself,
What am I gonna do now? He’s supposed to get better but how come he’s not moving.
I quickly washed myself up and went back inside the house and turned my laptop on to get online. Still confused what to do I chatted up with someone who used to be my best friend yet the only one who’s always there recently to chat with me about Harry. While chatting, my laptop was hardly processing and very slow responding to any commands so I said I have to restart windows.

During this time, my tears just kept welling up and won’t stop. I went back to see Harry if I was mistaken but he was very still. I put on my house gloves and touched his chest again. No movements. I left him momentarily and walked back and forth again. Muttered to myself,
What am I gonna do? He’s gone now, right? Is he really gone?
Looked at him again. No movements. Lifeless.

When I calmed down from crying, I decided that I have to do something and have to let go. So I wrapped him up gently. Then I hopped on my bike again, this time to go to the homeowners’ association’s office to seek assistance. Thankfully, they agreed to bury him for me.

Harry’s remains now lay near the local church.
Goodbye, Harry. I hope you knew that I loved you.

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